Birthday Beer

Well I made it to Bishop at 11:00 on Wednesday, November 10 to "celebrate" what was left of my dad's 63rd birthday. To my slight surprise, my dad was already "celebrating" - my mom was finishing pushing some of a Keystone through his g-tube! The fact that it was a Keystone was the most surprising part - I guess it's all that could be scrounged up around here nowadays!

The next day (Thursday), my dad made a hand motion symbolizing "drink" and so I jokingly asked him if that meant he wanted a beer. He nodded. I told him I would go get some for him. Not long thereafter, he slowly got up and started walking out the front door. I tried to put his shoes on but his feet are still too swollen so instead, some leaves stuck to socks - no biggie. This time I was truly surprised when he walked to my truck's passenger door. He really wanted to go get beer. So we went, and got Bud Light, of course!

Later, I didn't know better than to give him the whole can - because, well, why not? He used to drink 20+ and still walk & talk straight! I think this negatively affected his behavior (mixed with all of the meds, of course). We were hoping it would help him sleep but unfortunately, it didn't have the desired effect. We've all been having odd sleep hours to keep 24-hour watch on him. And with that, we've all had some interesting moments with dad, that's for sure.

In pondering all of this, I guess an addiction is an addiction, but for my father I think he had an affection, appreciation, and affinity for beer. As Homer did for "Duff", my dad did for Budweiser. I never really asked him what he derived from drinking besides the obvious, but the more I think about it the more significant I think it was to him - just as much as cars, tools, and Nascar. Not that I'm justifying drinking heavily - I just know it was more than the act of drinking to him - it was a tradition, a comfort, a calling.

Many thanks to all for the birthday cards, thoughts, radio announcement (Aunt Linda, Arnie), haircut (Cyndi), and well-wishes. :-)

More ER, Rural Health Clinic Visits

I'm writing to catch up on a few things...

Last Saturday, 10/30, my dad did a repeat pull-out of his trach tube, so there was a re-run of the previous Saturday. There was a different doctor, though, so a few of the NIH doctors are getting practice, I guess! Even more so because he did it again, hopefully for the last time, later in the week. After this time they secured it with a more permanent tie... We still can't figure out exactly why he keeps pulling it out, but the general delusion seems to explain most of the problems of late.

My father insisted on going to the ER today during the day when he was with my Aunt Linda. Luckily, communication between family happened and my mom met them at the Rural Health Clinic instead. Here they know him and can react on a more informed basis. Dr. Brown prescribed him an antibiotic because he had a fever and his chin infection has worsened.

My mother thinks, and now the doctors seem to agree, that the cancer has spread into his brain. I'm sure the many medicines, and changes in medication, don't help the situation either. This will only be speculation because we canceled his appointments for his next round of CAT and PET scans (they were supposed to be next week). He didn't feel up to the trip and it would really cause a lot of unnecessary stress on his mind and body.

Even though I'm being "docked" at work, I will be home for my dad's birthday, Wednesday November 10.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Never mind trying to maintain sanity - it's easier to embrace the insanity. Especially when I feel like I am surrounded by the animal version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: a deformed kitten limps around like a bird with a broken wing, its sibling's raspy breathing is as heavy as my father's, a black & white cat that's fat enough to be in the Guinness Book of World Records gorges itself, ole "Mini-Me" (Siamese mix) sneezes so hard it shakes her entire frail body, the token "defective" rabbit hops happily in the backyard, and the chicken's perch above the desk remains empty.

Although it's crazy, it's home. Perusing the garage for a clipboard, I see tidbits of notes my dad wrote to others - imparting his knowledge about cars and tools. The smell of grease, oil and metal are more so my father's scent than Old Spice ever was. The huge "fix-it-yourself" manuals gather dust on the shelf above the always-stocked tool chest... In fact, the only salient piece that doesn't seem to have dust on it is the smooth chrome on the Harley.

Roberta from Hospice of the Owens Valley was very sweet. I am amazed these wonderful people are on-call 24-7 to help with all kinds of needs - physical, social, emotional... talk about angels. Their philosophy statement is, "We believe death is a natural part of, and necessary closure to, life as we know it. It is our philosophy that dying persons have the potential to learn, teach, console, enjoy, plan, and laugh during this period of living." They are all about openly and honestly dealing with the prospect of death, which is healthy.

While Hospice will help with providing support services and some equipment, eventually Pioneer Home and Health Agency is the alternative when our needs are more extensive and complex. Already, Roberta has helped greatly - she informed us with the good news that my dad's oxygen level is up to 95% while using the tank, provided us with a thorough living will and other documents, and helped to communicate with Dr. Boo regarding a change in his pain medication to ease his suffering. BTW, I just heard on the news (Stanford study) that love relieves pain more than a pain killer; the same areas in the brain that are used for falling in love are also used to feel pain... Hmmm... Wish it were so simple a solution.

Knowing more about the free Hospice support makes me feel more comfortable about having to go back to LA to work. Today I realized that I could be satisfied to just hang around and help care for my dad as a full-time "job." Later I received an email from my partner teacher saying the students missed me and this made me realize that at least I have a meaningful job to return to...

Most of all, I wish my dad didn't have to go through the immense pain and discomfort he is withstanding... I can't help but think of Chief Bromden, the seemingly mute half-Indian patient in the Cuckoo Nest, for his strength that extended beyond brawn.

Clinic Visit Update

This morning my mother took my father to see the Dr. Boo and crew at the Rural Health Clinic. Turns out he has slight pneumonia so they prescribed him an antibiotic. They found his oxygen levels are low - 80% - so Airway Medical brought over an oxygen tank for him to use with his trach. Some of the inflammation in his face has gone down and the oxygen seems to be helping him have a little more energy. The pain is ever-present. This nights are tougher than the mornings...

My cousin Dion made a good point tonight - through all of this, my fathers written communications (e.g. notes, texts) have maintained an upbeat attitude. Instead of constant complaining, he often tries to be humorous.

Thanks for the positivity D.

4-20-10 - Meeting with Radiation PA

Some not so good news today... Although the chemotherapy went well yesterday, my dad is having a reaction to the radiation. He has developed a skin condition - basically, it is a burn. It's "puffy" skin around his collarbone on both his left and right sides - extending to his cheek/jawbone. Rodney, the radiation Physician's Assistant (PA), said it is more common for ENT patients to get these burns than other cancers because of the proximity of the tumor to the skin - often with other cancers, the radiation is trying to go deep into internal organs, etc. The dead skin will eventually come off and he has antibiotics and an antibacterial burn medication (Silvadene) to use in the meantime. Cavalon (a sting-free, alcohol-free liquid barrier film that dries quickly to form a breathable, transparent coating on the skin) is a preventative measure he can use that wouldn't have necessarily stopped the burns from happening all together, but they could have lessened the severity... Maybe next time Dad?

So, they did not do a radiation treatment today (what would have been his 27th), and postponed any more until the anticipated "peak" of the reaction mellows out, which is also expected. The next possible day for radiation could be Thursday. It's okay to not have it for a while because the radiation continues to kill cells even after the actual treatment.

This pushes back the treatment overall and we're not sure about the timeline, but it looks like there could be about 3 more weeks (2 of radiation) left. I am planning on going to visit in Bakersfield this weekend.